For those of you who know me, you know my 7 year old may or may not have JRA. We have had testing done, which was inconclusive. We are supposed to take her back to the Paediatrician in October of this year to do a follow up. Morning are bad for her. Bad as in she is going to make life as miserable as possible for everyone who happens to be in the house at the time that she is not feeling well.
This morning she woke up and promptly told me that she didn't feel like going to school. She complained that everything hurt. Now on days like this it is hard to know if she is "faking" or if she is indeed having a bad day. I keep tend to think that maybe after getting her to move around for a while she will start doing better and not hurting as much. Like those of us with RA mornings are usually hard to say the least. I know those first few steps I take hurt like the dickens.
So this morning I made her push through. She was quite the unhappy little cherub about it all. Grumbled at whined and complained the whole time. Now by the time I got her to school she was fine. For me it is hard to make the decision do I make her push through or do I give in. Most times with having no energy of me own, I want to let her give in. In the long run though I know that, that is not the thing to do. In a lot of ways though it is quite hard for me to make her push through knowing she is hurting. When we got to school I asked her if I needed to tell her teacher that she was hurting. Today they are doing a sports carnival of sorts, well sports and cultural expo, to be exact. So today I made the right decision, right? She has been having some swelling lately as well so the momma in me just wants to curl up on the couch with her and rest for the day.
Being a parent is hard for everyone. I mean it's not like those adorable, wonderful smelling, angelic little people come with instruction manuals. Believe me sometimes I wish they did. Parenting when you have a chronic illness can be so difficult. I have to admit that there have been days that I let the kids get away with staying home simply cause I had a hard time mustering the energy to get them up, dressed, ready, with lunches, recess', and everything that goes into just getting them out the door. Some days just getting them out of bed seems an insurmountable task. Well I guess I should say getting me out of bed since nine out of ten times they beat me in the waking up department.
One thing I am trying to learn is to NOT beat myself up about the good, the bad, or the ugly. These children were gifted to me, for whatever reason I was blessed to have them. I am grateful daily that they are mine. I would be lost in this world without my husband and children, they make this difficult journey well worth the incredible effort. My chronic illness affects how I parent. I would be the worst kind of fool if I were to try and convince myself it didn't. The norm in my house is mommy is sick. Mommy has arthritis and therefore isn't able to plan things in advance. In fact if she does make planes murphy's law strikes up and I usually end up flaring quite badly. Although mommy has learned of late that if I take the few days before plans and rest as much as possible I tend to be able to get through the event. It may end up meaning I take more pain killers for a few days afterwards but we usually manage.
Our normal is you have to be gentle with mommy. This one is hard for my almost 5 year old little boy, you know have boys can be. Out normal is mommy is gonna be loopy sometimes, and we always know when she takes pain killers cause she can't shut up. My kids know that sometimes people are sick and there is nothing that can be done. That sometimes those people just have to live with being sick and adapt. My children are indeed adaptable. There are times they get sick of my disease, but for the most part they are great.
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