Finding your peace

When my Ra started to really become more active I had to give up so much stuff.  I was working with a company and provided family day care from my home.  I loved doing it.  It was a wonderful thing for me, but it truly took its toll on my body.  In the year and a bit that I worked my RA advanced more than it had in the 5 years before.  Within that year my wrists, which were crap to begin with, got so bad that I could no longer pass the CPR certification to get my first aid licence.  The wrists also prevented me from being able to type more than a few minutes at a time.  In the states I had a Vet Tech certificate, but could no longer life the animals or restrain them if needed.  Although the skills I learnt with injections do come in handy now.

SO I was looking at a life that looked pretty bleak to me.  I was able to get my TPD insurance payout so we were able to buy a home, and get rid of some debt.  At the same time other than very limited knitting I couldn't do much at all.  I was then and am still on a Biological (Orencia) that is helping, it hasn't stopped my disease progression, but day to day is more bearable now, unless I try to do too much.  I know that if I attempt to work my body will rebel again.  So I keep it to simple things.

My children wanted me to volunteer at the school.  They wanted me to do Canteen, I said no.  When they asked why I tried to explain it to them.  You see the school wants to have a roster made out for the entire 10 week term, and I never know how well I am going to be.  So I prefer to do things that I can pull out of at the last minute if needed.  So I said I would read with them.  Last year I read with two different classes three days a week.  This year I am down to just one.  That has more to do with the teachers not needing as many parents to be there to help with the reading after year 2.

That still just didn't seem like enough to me, so I started knitting a bit more, but wasn't drawn into it.  I enjoy it, but it didn't give me that sense of accomplishment.  So I started doing more baking, which I love.  That is something I can't do on my bad days though.  I looked around the Internet, and thought long and hard, and watched so many friends make wonderful creations with Crochet, so I started watching tutorials on youtube, and learnt a few things.  I just totally fell in love with it as well.  I love making things with Crochet, I love thinking of things, and get very frustrated when what I make doesn't turn out like I want it to.  That pushes me to try and do better though.  I like watching the kids faces light up when they see my not so great creations.  I even started my own FaceBook page to show off my stuff.  The biggest thing I have made so far is a blanket for my SIL.  I just finished a beanie for my son, and now the girls want something as well, but they already have hats that I made for them.

I think we all have to find something we enjoy.  Something that makes us feel good, or productive, or even just alive.  I feel in love with crochet, it doesn't replace any of the things I lost, but it gives me something to do.  It helps me keep my hands moving, when most days I don't want to use them.  I think in many ways it has given me a sense of peace.  Knowing that I can easily sit in bed while miserable and still create something for the family.  Something that they will love and take to school for news (show and tell).